Reg.: Feb 2010
Location:
Posts: 0

Jokes!!

Post your favorite funny jokes.

1. First man: I am so miser that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Second man: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.


2. A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Police officer.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying for years.”

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Reg.: Dec 2001
Location: Secret Tweaker Pad
Posts: 1035

mikesleeve registered on a board

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"hey wie gehts euch?""hey wie gehts euch?""hey wie gehts euch?""hey wie gehts euch?""hey wie gehts euch?"

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Reg.: Jan 2010
Location: wixhausen
Posts: 35

quote:

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Originally posted by cpt. ahab
mikesleeve registered on a board

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Reg.: Sep 2002
Location: planet earth
Posts: 1356

1. gitschi and gatschi cross the street. however, gitschi gets unluckily hit down by a truck. says the gatschi: "look, gitschi, now you're also a gatschi!"

2. tiny fritzi goes for a walk with his grandmother, as he suddenly discovers 10$ on the floor. "granny, may i pick 'em up?", asks tiny fritzi. "no,", replys his grandmother, "you may not pick up what's lying on the floor". a little later, tiny fritzi discovers 50$ on the floor. "granny, may i pick 'em up?", asks tiny fritzi. "no,", replys his grandmother, "you may not pick up what's lying on the floor". a little later, tiny fritzi's grandmother slips on the floor and, according to her advanced age and lazy bones, can't get up anymore. "please, fritzi, help me to get up again!", she cries. "no,", replys tiny fritzi, "you may not pick up what's lying on the floor."

3. two tomatoes cross the street. however, one of them gets unluckily hit down by a track. says the other one: "come on, ketchup!"

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only after the last tree has been cut down
only after the last river has been poisoned
only after the last fish has been caught
then will you find that money cannot be eaten

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Reg.: Apr 2003
Location: kingdom of doom
Posts: 2049

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.

Man (to Waitress): Morning!

Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

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dishing it out like a premiership footballer in a bentley showroom

it takes a teenage riot to get me out of bed right now

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Reg.: Mar 2007
Location: mexikoplatz
Posts: 16

quote:

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Originally posted by Jubilee
Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.

Man (to Waitress): Morning!

Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

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Reg.: May 2003
Location: the hatch
Posts: 857

ähm... fail???

i think so

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95% Percent of teens would have a breakdown if justin bieber was standing on the edge of a tower ready to jump, copy and paste if your a part of the 5% yelling
"Jump Dickhead... and take the Jonas Brothers with you!!!!"

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Reg.: Dec 2001
Location: beim cornerfandl
Posts: 175

What is white and hides behind a tree?
A shy milk

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verstehen sie mich nicht falsch mr. mc darkinson, aber gegessen ist dieser kuchen noch lange nicht
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http://www.myspace.com/flaumsen
http://www.twentyone.at

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Reg.: Nov 2007
Location: New Heaven
Posts: 495

what is red and lies on the bottom of an lake?
a red traktor

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Never mind your make up, you better make your mind up!

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Reg.: Mar 2007
Location: next to the airport!
Posts: 36

what is black and smells like caramel?

a diabetic after a room fire

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Ich hab Durst, deswegen nehm ich mir ein Joghurt!

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